i make burnt toast look like fine cuisine

ok, so we all knew already that Torrey is the worst cook ever... if anyone ever says "all you need is the heart of a great cook" i am the poster child to prove that it's bullshit. burning popcorn in the microwave, scooping scalding hot pumpkin pie filling into a premade crust that instantly melts... that's all small time horrible cooking my friends. tonight, i tried to hard boil eggs... no big deal right? boiling water... what could be easier? so, um, yeah, i hard boiled them for AN HOUR!!! who does these things? i swear, i looked at the clock, remember thinking "hmmm, only 4 more minutes, i'll be right back" in that cute little thinking-in-your-head voice even... but, did i come back to my little eggies in 4 mins? no. try 40 mins. SHIT!